Aranye na va svasya gehe na karye

na dehe mano vartate me tvanarghye |

manaścenna lagnam guroranghripadme

tatah kim tatah kim tatah kim tatah kim|| 1

ajñānatimirāndhasya jñānāñjanaśalākayā |

cakśurunmīlitam yena tasmai śrīgurave namah || 2

Shri Guruji in my life

This article is attempt of compared analysis in the effort to understand and share with you these constructive changes which I can see after one year from the moment of my direct relative with my Teacher.

In fact I had questions who am I since my childhood. These questions shocked people. Grew up, I could start my spiritual search by myself. It happened when I was 9 years old. From that time I met many different eastern and western teachings and people who were in searching like me. But heart leaded me further. And in spite of a lot of opportunities something held me from some global decisions. Especially I liked eastern traditions. It’s so happened that more I liked traditions of ancient India which is puzzled for modern western man. And in spite of having all opportunities to belong to one of the serious school of western tradition, I continued my searching.

One of the most serious questions, which I had when I met some new tradition, was question of accepting of Teacher. I had not any doubt that I need Teacher, person who can guide me on this path, who have gone by this way and came back, who is like helmsman in ocean of life, who are able to guide among dangerous reefs.

 anekajanmasamprāptakarmabandhavidāhine |

ātmajñānapradānena tasmai śrīgurave namah ||

śoshanam bhavasindhośca jñāpanam sārasampadah |

guroh pādodakam samyak tasmai śrīgurave namah ||

Besides I had several examples of people who tried to practice some dangerous things without any guider. I was witness of what happened with that people after several years. No need to tell that it was very tragic sight, in fact, all these people became mad and were destroyed as persons. But it was so happen that I always knew about importance of guider and I was very careful in my searching and practice since very young ages. So, during my life I met several wonderful people, who could guide me on one of the paths, but… something leaded me further and further. One important aspect – it is absence full trust inside, something in deep of my heart what could make me to make the final choose. I got many things from these people and I prefer to forget now about it. Especially it is about my experience in western tradition.

All described deals to period of my early spiritual searching, at that time I didn’t know exactly what I want. Meeting with one wonderful person pushed me and after some time helped to me to find what I crave unconsciously in my life. That meeting turned many things in myself and my understanding, but I did not realize at once that it’s not just some differentiated knowledge, this is part of my self. I don’t hide, that I needed a lot of time to learn how to listen my heart. But I didn’t stay with this person, I went further that to come in needed time to person to whom I had to come by destiny.

In 28 years old I was finally definite in my searching. I needed a lot of time to understand myself and my desires. I needed only to find somebody who will be ready to accept me as his disciple, whom I can trust and give my life. But I was very careful many years as before. I knew that time will come and destiny will take me to my Master. I also understood that every mistake in my choice will not be good for me, that’s why I absolutely have trusted to will of the God, but I continued to make attempts to find the one who will guide me on my path.

In summer 2006 I had very important spiritual experiences, which became very important moment in my life. Thanks to these experiences I met my brother Shiv Anurag. And there was surprise for me. All what Shiv Anurag told me wonderfully agreed with my personal feelings and understandings, what I have been experienced and continued to experience. When more I talked with him, then more I was surprised. Relating with him I felt that I didn’t just come to somewhere to somebody. I came at my home. When I came to know something new I had very strong feeling that I always knew it, I just forgot it at some moment. Other part of his words absolutely repeated my personal experience of inner searching. Of course I started to ask him about his Teacher.

After some time Shiv Anurag suggested me to write to his Guruji. I wrote to him my first letter and asked Shiv Anurag to send me photo of person, whom I’ll write letter. He sent photo for me and I wrote my first letter to my future Teacher. I wrote big letter, I wrote about myself in general, about my spiritual searching and desires. I was writing letter, hoping, that at last I’ll find what I sought for all my life, but I was not absolutely sure of course, because I always had very serious approach to choosing of Guruji. It’s usually to judge about teachers by their disciples. Seeing Shiv Anurag at first time in my life I was sure that it seems, that I found what I was seeking for so long time. But of course I had doubts. I thought that after some time and after personal conversations with Shiv Anurag’s teacher I can finally understand and definite in my choice. But I couldn’t suggest that it will happen more early.

It happened after two weeks of writing my first letter. I already don’t remember about context of conversation, but Shiv Anurag suggested to me to meditate on one of the photos of Guruji, which he sent me before. Need to say, that at that time I already had big experience in different practices, besides, I practiced some Sadhana which I got from one Sadhu with blessings to find my Teacher. I didn’t hurry to declare it. Naturally, I was very careful with different uncontrolled meditations, even the most simplest. But, nevertheless, I decided to try to do what Shiv Anurag suggested to me. I want to tell about this in details. 

In evening, about 7.30 pm I sat in front of photo ant started to meditate looking at eyes. Little by little picture around eyes started to lose clearness, I saw only eyes, and I had feeling of living presence, when I was looking at these eyes. I had feeling that some piece with eyes and part of the man’s face was cut from photo. When feeling of power came to me, and I had feeling that these eyes are looking at my heart. After some time I lost feeling that these eyes are situated on some picture. It was just eyes of living person in front of me, person with very strong look. Then I found that condition of full concentration was kept absolutely without any effort from my side. These eyes fixed my look. And with all of this I felt very deep wave of inner warm and calmness. After sometime I noticed that all my thought started to go away to somewhere, and more after sometime I had strange feeling of deep inner connection. All these were happening very naturally and invisibly coming like from inside. After some time I had very strong desire to chant Pranav, and I did it. I came up from deep concentration by phone call. It was very unpleasant feeling, like somebody took and shook me. Acute sound brought real pain feeling. After phone call, I continued my meditation. After sometime I noticed that I have not any thought in my mind at all, I had condition like trance. Then I had desire to chant mantra which I got before with blessings to find my Guru. And with all of this I had very strong and specific feelings in area of Adjna Chakra.

Nock at the door took out me from my condition of trance. Feelings from sudden taking out from trance accompanied with strong ache pain in my chest and area of heart.  It turned out that I meditated 45 minutes besides planned 10 minutes. And I had very deep condition and I couldn’t understand how it happened. After that I was in very strange condition, like I understand and don’t understand where I am at the same time. During next evening I had to “bring back” my thoughts that to understand what people

 were telling me. All evening I had condition of some trance, outside sights of this were absolutely absence of desire to talk with anybody and absence of any desires. Nobody could disturb me at that evening. I went to sleep in this condition.

I woke up in the morning, knowing, that I have found my Teacher. It wasn’t just some sureness which I have got after my experience. It was not that I just decided, using logic. No. I just knew that this person is my Guruji. It sureness came to me from inside as a fact. I just knew it. Naturally ahead there were long inside dialogs, doubts of mind, the reason of that was that my letter reached addressee only after several months after writing. I doubt about will I be accepted as disciple. But the main thing was happened, I have found the one whom I accepted as my Teacher in my heart.

After several months what I wanted do for a long time it happened. I was accepted as disciple in family. And I have got my first Sadhana from my Master. All other practices were forgotten, because what I have got it couldn’t be compare with things which I practiced before. Because I have got it direct from my Master.

What I can tell about that time, which continues till now? It’s useless try to describe spiritual experience, which I got and continue to get, cultivating my Sadhana. In truth it can not be described. Only some priceless moments I can declare on public. What came to me? The most important thing:

It is personal immediate experience and perceiving of the God. All this time from the beginning of my study, I perceived Parabrahman like some conception. And in spite of my some before spiritual experience, I had not PERSONAL perceiving and feeling of the God, I had only some differentiated knowledge which correlated with my inner world but it was not experienced personally. But thanks to grace of my Guruji and my Sadhana I have got deep inner personal experiences with my Ishta Devi. IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT, feeling which can not be described. In fact, this world which was opened for me after that changed me a lot, first of all, inside. My world’s perceiving of people around me was changed. I felt very deep inner responsibility for all my words, actions and acts. It didn’t influenced much on my outside life, because any spiritual practice is not something different from our daily duties.

     It’s pity, there is such opinion, that spiritual life is not compatible with daily duties of man. But the God is not at some one place, The God is not only on our altar, is it altar of the temple or altar of our heart. The God is manifested in all which is around us, in our relatives, everywhere. And doing our daily duties is service to the God. All inner changes should not have bad influence on Sadhaka. Coming back to my outside actions, I can tell that my practice made me be more responsible to people, who is around me. Next important thing which I have realized and what I started to learn and learning now, it is deep inner control. Control everything. Control your mind, emotions, action. It can sound very banal, but it is possible only after totally understanding of needing this. Success of our spiritual practice depends only from totally inner control.

Besides my perceiving of the world as world of joint Reality was changed, was coming from deep personal inner experiences. But it is impossible to write about this, because words absence to describe this. All these and many other things I understood experienced and continue to understand and experience only thanks to my Master. Written on paper this experience can be seem some not important to outside reader, who had not similar experiences in his life. But for me all these experiences, in fact, turned my inner world. And I want to remind to everybody, that experienced experience differs from some varied knowledge at the same way like dreams about food differ from eating of food.

Ahead there was personal meeting with my dear Guruji. I want to say at once that this meeting surpassed all my courageous expectations. When I was on my way to my Master I knew that I was going at home. But when I reached that place I’ve absolutely realized and experienced it. Finally this realization and feeling came to me after several days in one of my meditations. It is impossible to describe it by words. I was crying like a child and Guruju and Guruma were consoling me. Like this I have got my second family in my heart. It was always naturally for me that Guru is not sir, whom everybody worships like slaves, but he is close relative. But as I told before, to know and direct to feel – it is absolutely different things. Many deep experiences happened with me in India. Being there I experienced some fight with myself, with stereotypes which blocked up and continue to block my consciousness. Then I was honored with great mercy – my dear Guruji have given Diksha to me.

Shiv Aashraya performing Guru Pujan

I’ll not describe everything what I felt and experienced during Diksha, because it is deep personal inner feelings, as many others, which deals only to me and my Master. I want only to say, that after this I understand why Diksha is called “the second birth”. I really have died and was born again. These are my feelings.

And more what I understood. All what happened with me, that I had opportunity to feel and experience, it was just preparatory stage, and now I have got opportunity to stay at the beginning of my Path in this embodiment. And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to pass this Path completely. Because now I’m not alone. And I’m not just on right path.  With me the one, who is able to support me and take me to the end, if of course I’ll have force enough. Because everybody should pass this path by himself. But now I have near with me the one, who lights my Path, and I’ve got a chance…

akhandamandalākāram vyāptam yena carācaram |

tatpadam darśitam yena tasmai śrīgurave namah ||

cinmayam vyāpi yatsarvam trailokyam sacarācaram |

tatpadam darśitam yena tasmai śrīgurave namah ||

From India I came back absolutely another person. What was changed? Outside – nothing. But inside I became absolutely another. There is absolutely other level of personal experiences. And there is other level of perceiving the world. But I don’t want to write about this topic. And one more, after sometime I have got understanding of great responsibility, which my Teacher have taken on himself, accepted me not just his disciple, but as his child, and feeling of great responsibility for him. How can I let down the One, who accepted me as his son, who became second Father for me? This is my personal direct experience of accepting Guruji.

tvameva mātā ca pitā tvameva |

tvameva bandhuśca sakhā tvameva||

tvameva vidyā dravinam tvameva |

tvameva sarvam mama devadeva ||

I bow into his feet again and again seeking for blessings. Only with grace of my Guruji I have all that I have got.

 Shri Gurubhyo Namah!

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